Since I started my divorce in 2002 proceedings I have often wondered why should I even try to communicate with my ex-wife? I have two kids, now 13 and 10 respectively. I have re-married and am happier than I ever was in my previous marriage. I dated my first wife when I was 15, married her at 22, and divorced her at 32. I am now remarried, heading into my 4 year with my soul mate, and really couldn't be in a better position mentally, and relationship wise.
So why does my ex-wife cut through my skin during even the simplest conversations?
I originally left my marriage for about one year, returned for two years, and finally called it quits early in 2002. Leaving my now ex-wife and two kids was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my entire life.
I simply drove south from NH to Cape Cod. I chose a 3 hour drive based on the fact that my soon to be ex-wife couldn't simply drive down the street to harass me like she did when I left the first time. I needed space, I needed to be away from her controlling ways. If I hadn't left, I most likely would be dead by now, not by suicide, but by lack of hear, soul, and self confidence.
Sound awful to hear so many I's in one paragraph when children are involved, but my children acknowledged immediately that I am a happier person since I left, and a better Dad.
I will skip into my history throughout this blog, and the back to the topic...
Why even try...
I tried to mediate my divorce... all this did was lead to more and more opportunities for my ex to come at me with history lessons, how bad a person I am, and how the kids need me around the house, when the reality was that she didn't like doing all the tasks that I had to do, and could not handle that the kids liked their dad no matter what, or where he lived.
After it was clear that mediation was not an option my lawyer recommended a guardian at litem "sp"... a child advocate/lawyer. My ex and I had to pay half of her fees. The first day I met this child advocate she told me that she would never drive to Cape to see where the kids would be living due to the fact that the drive was so far... regardless it was her job to do so, but she refused. I was also only supposed to call her directly if it was an emergency. I later found out that she spoke to my ex-wife almost daily, and in fact visited with the kids and their mother, but never me... How is this even remotely a bias stance by the advocate???
I drafted paperwork with my lawyer outlining that my ex-wife could have 100% of the house since she stated that it was in the best interest of the kids to stay where they were comfortable... I was a fool to think that this was the right thing to do... hence, why even try??? Within 6 months my ex and kids moved to the south part of NH with her new boyfriend. With a steady boyfriend around my history lessons from my ex dramatically dropped, and if the new guy could make her happy, than it is a win for all involved.
Now things didn't work out in the south of NH and she moved back in with her parents, all the while our old house was being rented out... putting money in her pocket, and collecting from me. Then they moved to VT, and eventually back in the original house that I owned with my ex-wife...
She then put the house on the market... and announced that she was moving to Georgia and taking the kids with her...
Now mind you, I would drive to 3-4 hours up to NH and back to the Cape every other Friday for 2 1/2 years, and then return the kids on Sunday's. I did this as part of my visitation schedule. I never called to cancel or skip out on the kids not even once. Did I plan a vacation and re-work the schedule? Of course, but I can say with confidence that my visitation was extremely important to me, and it was in the divorce decree that I do all the driving, and pay for the gas, both directions...
so why even try... my ex-wife was about to make a huge profit on the sale of a house that I thought I was being nice enough to let her HAVE without buying me out for the kids sake, then she throws the move to GA into my face, and asks that I not fight her move to GA. I spoke to the kids about the move, and the in fact said that they did not want me to fight the move, because their mother said that if they didn't like it in GA then they could move in with me on the Cape...
I am sure you can see what happens next, but that will be posted later...
I appreciate you reading, thoughts and stories are most welcome... if you are a divorced dad, and feel like you do everything you are asked, but still get the shaft... this will be the spot to bookmark for future reads....
More from Divorced Dad later...
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